Round 2, "When Love Hurts" Emotional, Psychological, and/or Physical Abuse in Christian Marriages

When a bride takes her vows, she doesn’t expect violence to mark her marriage. But sadly, for some that is the case. It’s probable that you know someone who is the victim of verbal or physical abuse: a neighbor, a daughter, a sister, or a friend. This powerful 4-part series pulls back the curtain on the dark secret of abuse and offers hope and help to those caught in its painful cycle.

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing Domestic Abuse, When Abuse is Worse than Divorce, Part I

Product Number: DOD2049

http://www.dod.org/products/DOD2049.aspx
__________________________________________________________________
When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing Domestic Abuse, When Submission is Misused, Part II

Product Number: DOD2050

http://www.dod.org/products/DOD2050.aspx

___________________________________________________________________

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing Domestic Abuse, When Apologies are Dangerous, Part III
http://www.dod.org/products/DOD2051.aspx

______________________________________________________________________

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing Domestic Abuse, When the Church is Needed Most, Part IV
http://www.dod.org/products/DOD2052.aspx

Round 2, Topic 3, "Sexual Unity In Marriage"

(*All information for this study taken from "Strengthening Your Marriage," by Wayne Mack)
Genesis 2:24, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall becone one flesh."

"Becoming one flesh is a broad concept but is generally recognized that there is no place where this total sharing is more beautifully pictured or fully experienced than in the sexual relationship of the man and his wife.

"Sexual intercourse is more than a physical act...it is a symbol of a spiritual relationship and the expression of complete oneness of two married persons in love.  In sexual intercourse, the couple becomes joined in an indissoluble unity, called "one flesh" in the Bible."

The Bible often describes marriage act in terms of a man "knowing" his wife.  "And Adam knew his wife Eve and she became pregnant."  Genesis 4:1.  "Now the man knew his wife and she conceived." 

What else can this mean but that the sex act is a means of deep sharing between a husband and wife.  They come to know one another in a very intimate way.

Sex is a means of expressing, confirming, enhancing, and nourishing our spouse.  According to the Bible, sex is a complete and total giving of oneself to their spouse.  It is obvious, then, that good sexual relations in marriage is an important act and genuine oneness in marriage.

It's sad, but true, that many marriages face some sort of sexual dysfunction or incompatability over the course of the marriage.  Many divorce lawyers will say that nearly every couple who seeks his services come because of sexual incompatibility.  There are also those who have sexual conflicts but never seek a divorce.

If God created and ordained sexual relationbs as an expression of unity in marriage, why is it that many couples have problems in this area?

1.  Unresolved Guilt.  Scripture warns us to be sure that our sins will find us out.  Numbers 32:23.  We may try to ignore our sin.  We may try to cover it up.  But sin will find us out.  Remembrances of past practices of heavy petting or promiscuity or selfish sexual practices continue to harass us...making it difficult to enjoy proper sexual relations with our spouse.  1 Cor. 7:2 warns against sexual immorality.  Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by everyone, and husband and wife should keep their marriage pure. God will judge as guilty those who take part in sexual sins."

Such a guilt can only be corrected when the person faces her sin, acknowledges it to God, seeks cleansing through Jesus Christ, believes the Holy Spirit will change her attitude, and meditates on the Word of God.

"Do not be deceived; neither the impure and immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor those who participate in homosexuality will inherit the Kingdom of God.  And such were some of you.  But you were washed clean and were sanctified; you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."  1 Cor. 6:9-11.
2.  Sexual problems of married couples may not really be sexual problems.  Just as a red "warning" light in our automobiles indicates an area that needs repair, so our marriages are the same.  Conflicts over money, religion, neglect, discourtesies, quarrels, and bitter words will in time adversely effect sexual harmony.  Feeling unwanted, unloved, unappreciated and neglected causes sexual discord.  One cannot a spouse who is feeling unwanted, unloved, unappreciated and neglected  to want to engage in sexual intercourse.  Sex may become hollow, empty, meaningless, and unfulfilling.  A lack of biblical love in a marriage may be the red light on the dashboard of marriage.

1 Cor. 13 speaks of Christian and Godly love:  "Love is patient, kind, humble, compassionate, gentle, forgiving, unselfish, courteous, considerate, sensitive, truthful, appreciative, and protective.  Let the husband and wife lovingly and joyfully fulfill their biblical roles toward each other; let them learn to communicate deeply and most of their sexual issues will evaporate.

3.  Sexual problems may be the result of ignorance or misinformation.  Somemarried couples are woefully ignorant of their mate's physical anatomy.   Many women don't understand the male temperament:  most men are very easily and very quickly aroused; they are stimulated by sight.  Without even touching a woman's body, a man may become aroused.  Jesus warns men about the danger of looking on women who are not their wives in Matthew 5:28.  The Book of Proverbs also admonishes men about the danger of being seduced by women.

Wives must realize that their husbands may desire sexual relations more frequently than they do.  It is the wife's responsibility to be mindful of her husband's temperament and to seek to be his helper by being willing to fulfill his sexual desires.  Failure to understand the male temperament puts an unnecessary burden of temptation upon a husband.

On the other hand, men are oftem more uninformed about termperaments and have accused his wife of being sexually cold and unresponsive.  He may wonder why his wife doesn't have the same desire and drive.  As a rule, women are not aroused as easily by men.  The sight of the male anatomy is not nearly as stimulating to a woman as it is to a man.  Soft words, unselfishness, consideration, genuine love, patience, kindness, appreciation, compassion, and tenderness are things that excite a woman and prepare her for a satisfying sexual experience with her spouse.

4. Not understanding God's biblical principles concerning sex in a marriage brings dysfunction.  God says "Sexual relations within marriage are holy and good." (Hebrews 13:4)  Your sexuality does not exist for yourself but for your partner and your partner's pleasure.  Sexual relations are to be regular and continuous.  Sexual relationships are to be equal and reciprocal. 

___________________________________

Questions and Answers to Share with Your KOTH Partner:

1. Read 1 Corinthians 7:2 through 5 and 9.  List everything you see in this passage about sex.  With whom is it proper to have sex?  What are the "marriage rights" of each partner in marriage?  What are some of the purposes of marriage and sexual relations?  What is God's answer to sexual desire?  How long should a couple refrain from sex?
2. What does Proverbs 5:15-21 tell us about marriage and sexual relations?
3. Read Song of Solomon 4:1-7 and 5:10-16.  Should a marriage partner be embarrassed or ashamed because he finds delight in his marital partner?  Is it proper to be excited about sex with your spouse?
4. According to Matthew 5:27-30, how serious is the sin of sex outside of marriage?
5. For those of you who are married, please discuss the following with your husbands:  *What pleases you about your sexual relations?  Is there anything about your sexual relations you do not enjoy?  Does the pattern of your sexual married life need to be varied?  If so, how?  Do you have any fears about sex?  What can you do to help meet the sexual needs of your spouse more fully?
6. How can your KOTH partner pray for you this week?

Round 2, Topic 2, "God's Blueprint for Marriage"

A good blueprint is just as necessary for a good marriage as it is for a building project. 

• Did you know there are as many unhappy, unfulfilled marrages among believers as there are among non-believers?
• This unhappiness is due to our failure to pay attention to God's blueprint for our marriage.
• What, then, is God's blueprint for marriage?  What does God's kind of marriage look like?

This week, we'll be studying the topic of God's blueprint for marriage.

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."  God makes this same statement about marriage four times in the Bible.  Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7-8, and Ephesians 5:31. 

First off, God's blueprint for marriage directs husbands (and wives) to leave their fathers and mothers.  This does not necessarily mean a geographical move but more of an attachment move.  You know, like cutting those apron strings?  That's what God is talking about in the verse above.  To leave your parents means that your relationship to your parents must be radically changed.  It means that you establish an adult relationbship with them.  It means that you must be more concerned about your mate's ideas, opinions, and practices than those of your parents.  It means that you must not be dependent on your parents for affection, approval, assistance, and counsel.  And it means that you must eliminate any bad attitudes towards your parents or you will be tied emotionally to them regardless of how far you move away from them.

It means you make the husband and wife relationship your priority of all human relationships.  Yes, you should be concerned about being a good daughter and mother, but you should be more concerned about being a good wife.

God's blueprint for marriage directs husbands and wives to cleave to one another.  In modern days, many couples seem to marry with the thought that if their marriage does not work out, they can always get a divorce.  When you marry, you vow to be faithful until death.  Marriage is not a matter of convenience, of chance or of the temporary. 

God says, "Marriage is a permanent relationship.  The husband and wife must cleave to one another."  (Mark 10:7-9).

Marriage is not a matter of blind chance but a deliberate choice!  A good marriage is based more on commitment than feelings or attraction.  According to Malachi 2:14 and Proverbs 2:17, marriage is an irrevocable covenant and contract to which we are bound.

Therefore, when two people get married, they promise that they will be faithful to each other regardless of what happens.

• A wife promises that she will be faithful even if the husband is afflicted with bulges, baldness, buncions, and bifocals; even if he loses his health, his wealth, his job, his charm; even if someone more exciting comes along.
• The husband promises to be faithful even if the wife loses her beauty and appeal; even if she is not as neat and tidy or as submissive as he would like her to be; even if she does not satisfy his sexual desires completely; even if she spends money foolishly or is a terrible cook.
• Marriage means that a husband and wife enter into a relationship in which they commit themselves to each other...regardless of what problems arise.

"For it is said the two shall become one flesh."  (1 Cor. 6:16).   This is marriage and intimacy at its most elementary level, designed by God.  But becoming one flesh involves more than the marriage act.  The marriage act is surely the culmination of a complete oneness, the total giving of yourself to your spouse.  But God's intention is that when two people get married, they should share everything - their bodies, their possessions, their failures, their successes, their sufferings, their blessings.  A husband and a wife are a team and each must do for the sake of the other.  Each must be as concerned about the other person's needs as he is about his own.  Husbands and wives are no longer two, but one flesh.  And this one flesh must manifest itself in practical, tangible, and demonstrable ways.  God did not intend marriage to be merely an abstract concept but a concrete reality.  Total intimacy and deep unity are part of God's blueprint for a healthy marriage.

"Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself....each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  Ephesians 5:28, 33.

Total oneness is not easily achieved.  One basic hindrance to the achievement of oneness is our sinfulness.  As soon as sin entered into Adam & Eve's marriage, they knew they were both naked and were ashamed, and they began to cover up.  This attempt to cover up was evidence of their awareness of their sinfulness before God.  Immediately, they tried to hide their sin from God.

Even as sin entered and hindered the oneness of Adam and Eve, so our sinfulness is still the great barrier to marital oneness today.

Marital oneness is destroyed by selfishness, pride, bitterness, stubbornnes, neglect, impatience, harshness or cruelty.  It was sin that destroyed the oneness of Adam and Eve, and it is sin that detroys the oneness of husbands and wives today.

THAT BRINGS US TO OUR NEED FOR JESUS CHRIST!~

First of all, we need Jesus Christ to bring us into a right relationship with God.  Not only do we need Jesus Christ to bring us into a right relationship with God, we also need Jesus Christ to help us to be rightly related to each other.  Jesus Christ came into the world to destroy the barriers that exist between man and man, as well as between man and God.  Jesus Christ alone can take a sinful, selfish woman and man and enable them to leave father and mother, cleave to one another, and become one flesh.

"But now in Christ Jesus, you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.  For He himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility..." (Ephesians 2:13)

He gives men the Holy Spirit, who produces in them the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

He gives us the Holy Spirit, who enables sinful men and women to leave father and mother, to cleave to one another, and to become one flesh.

*taken from Strengthening Your Marriage by Wayne A. Mack
_________________________

Questions & Answers to share with your KOTH partner:

1. Who originated the marriage institution?  (Genesis 2:18-25)
2. What are the purposes of marriage?  (Compare Genesis 1:28; 2:18; Ephesians 5:22-32)
3. According to Genesis 2:24, what is the primary human relationship in life?
4. What does leaving mother and father involve?
5. List some of the things that married couples must do to promote and manifest oneness in marriage.
6. What are some of the barriers to deep oneness?
7. Discuss your marriage in terms of leaving and cleaving and oneness.  Have you really left your parents?  In what ways is your marriage being adversely affected because you are following your parents' example of handling stress, facing problems, reacting to trials/tribulations, etc?  Is your spouse the number one human being in your life?
8. Are you really committed to your mate?  How do you react to your mate's weakness, failures, needs, and problems?  Does your treatment of your mate depend upon his performance?  Must he earn your affection and approval?
9. How would you rate the intimacy or sharing level of your marriage?  Do you think mostly in terms of "me" and "him," or "we"?  Think of the level of your spiritual, intellectual, emotional, sexual, recreational, financial, parental, communicational, occupational, and creative oneness.  Where is your oneness weak?  Where is it strong?  How can you improve your weak areas?
10. Study Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:1-9 to discover how permanent the marriage relationship is.  Share them with your partner.

__________________________________

For further reading, "Boundaries In Marriage," by Christian psychologists Drs. Cloud and Townsend, will help you establish healthy boundaries in a wounded and hurting marriage.

Round 2, Topic No. 1 "May the Lord Bless You and Keep You"

Numbers 6:24-26 says this:

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."

Unknown to many people is an archaeological discovery made in 1979 at Ketef Hinnom, just southwest of the old city wall of Jerusalem.  A team, led by Gabriel Barkay, found two miniature silver scrolls (or amulets) rolled up  inside a burial complex that had been used by the Turkish army to store rifles during the Ottoman Empire.   Etched in ancient Hebrew upon two silver scrolls was the inscription of the Aaronic blessing/priestly benediction from Numbers 6:24-26. These scrolls had remained rolled up for three years before they attempted to unroll them.  They were cracked and corroded.  It is the oldest extra-biblical reference to YHWH.  These silver scrolls date  back to 7th century BCE.

(taken from http://newepistles.com/2010/05/08/1635/)
The great Aaronic blessing: God desired his blessings to fall upon those who were faithful so that they could experience peace and wholeness in their relationship with their redeeming God.  This short blessing can be recited much like the Serenity Prayer when we need a reminder of who God is and how he acts toward us.  He blesses us; he cares for us; he is gracious to us; he is present with us; and he brings peace into our lives.

A blessing is a hopeful prayer. A blessing was one way of asking for God's divine favor to rest upon others. The ancient blessing in these verses helps us understand what a blessing was supposed to do.  Its five parts conveyed hope that God would (1) bless and keep them (favor and protect); (2) make his face shine upon them (be pleased); (3) be gracious (merciful and compassionate); (4) turn his face toward them (give his approval); (5) give peace. When you ask God to bless others or yourself, you are asking him to do these five things.

The simple words of this blessing reflect God's desire for his people. He is the source all blessings, grace, and peace in life; only through a relationship with this God can we hope to experience the fullness of life described here. The blessing seems to build to its final word - peace. The beautiful Hebrew word shalom used here means much more than an absence of conflict. It implies a complete sense of well-being, health, and contentment. God offers this to anyone who is willing to follow him, and especially to those whose
lives have been bruised and broken.  The blessing you offer will not only help the one receiving it, it
will also demonstrate love, encourage others, and provide a model of  caring to others. 

The wicked know nothing of peace. There is no peace saith the Lord, for the wicked; they are like the troubled sea - but you don't need to go to the Bible to find that out; if you will look around you, you will see it. If you have not got peace, it is a sure sign you have not found the true God, for the Peace of God will
keep your hearts and minds if you have found him. Look in the 6th chapter of Numbers, 26th verse: "The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace." The Lord will keep thee; the Lord will
give thee peace,.. solid, real peace such as the world cannot give or take away. When a man has left a will, how eagerly we read it! We don't care much for a dry law paper, but if it has got our name in it with a legacy we never find it dry. Now God says, "My peace I leave with you."

Oh, child of God, have you got it? None of us have enough of it. I get angry and disturbed and make a fool of myself very often; I wish I had peace enough to keep me from it, but God gives good measures, shaken up, pressed down, full measure. Let our hearts be open to receive the peace of God. ~D. L. Moody http://www.abible.com/devotions/2004/20040531-1526.html


Questions & Answers to Share with your KOTH partner:

1. What is the definition of a "blessing"?
2. Name the 5 ways in which a blessing is to help or aid the person receiving it.
3. What can we experience when we have a true relationship with God?
4. What is the definition of "shalom"?
5. Write out a prayer of blessing for your KOTH partner.  It can be lengthy or short, but it must be heartfelt and scriptural.  If you have trouble with this, write in your own words the scriptural blessing found in Numbers 6:24-26.

KOTH - Topic No. 11 - "The Christ Child"

Luke 2:1-20

New International Version (NIV)

Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus

 ¹ In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while^[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to their own town to register.

 ⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

 ⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

 ¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

 ¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
   and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

 ¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

 ¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

            It is possible to be an intelligent, critically thinking person and still believe that the story told above is accurate and true.

            Have your opinions ever been swayed by someone’s eyewitness account of an event?  Then the story told through scripture above should sway your opinion about Jesus.  This event really did happen.  Eyewitness testimony accounts for it.

When you hold a Bible in your hands, essentially you are holding copies of ancient historical records.  

Hundreds of archeological findings have been unearthed, and they actually support the testimonies of eye witness accounts of Jesus.

Over 60 different prophesies were fulfilled when Jesus was born.   Jesus Christ himself said, “For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me; for he wrote about Me” (John 5:46, NKJV) Moses himself spoke of the coming Messiah:  'I will raise up for them a Prophet like you from among their brethren, and will put My words in His mouth, and He shall speak to them all that I command Him. And it shall be that whoever will not hear My words, which He speaks in My name, I will require it of him'.” (Deuteronomy 18:15-19, NKJV).  It was prophesied that He would be a descendant of Noah’s son, Shem,  and Shem’s son, Abraham, and of Abraham’s line through Isaac, of the seed of Jacob, in the family line of Jesse, of the house of David, that He would be born in a small town of Bethlehem, and born of a virgin Mary (Genesis, Numbers, Jeremiah, 2 Samuel, Micah, Psalms).

It was also prophesied in the Old Testament that the Savior, Jesus, would come while the Temple of Jerusalem was still standing, that He would perform many miracles (Isaiah 29 and 35), the Gentiles would believe in Him and the Jews (His own people) would not (Isaiah 8, 28, 49), that a messenger from the wilderness would prepare a way for Him (Malachi 3), that He would enter Jerusalem riding on a donkey (Zechariah 9), He would be betrayed (Psalm 41) for 30 pieces of silver (Zechariah 11), and that money would be used to buy a potter’s field (Zechariah 11), Jesus would be beaten and spat upon (Isaiah 50), His hands and feet would be pierced (Psalm 22), that His bones would not be broken (Psalm 34), his clothing would be divided and they would cast lots for them (Psalm 22), He would be given vinegar and gall to drink (Psalm  69), He would cry out, “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?”, (Psalm 22), He would be buried with the rich (Isaiah 22), His body would not decay (Psalm 16), He would be resurrected from the dead (Psalm 16), He will ascend into Heaven (Psalm 68),  He will be seated at the right hand of God (Psalm 110), and He would be the Son of God (Psalm 2).

The probability of all of those exact prophecies being fulfilled is 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000.

Need I say more?

http://christiananswers.net/catalog/passover-vs.html

The Messiah: Prophecy Fulfilled

Starring Nick Mancuso

a compelling Gospel drama A compelling Gospel presentation centered on a Jewish Seder dinner (Passover)

Platinum Award Winner 2002, Houston Film Festival

Questions and Answers to share with your KOTH partner:

1.      Would you bet on a horse in the Kentucky Derby who had a 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000 chance of winning?  Why not?

2.      Were you aware of all of the above-mentioned prophesies being foretold hundreds and hundreds of years before Christ’s birth?

3.      Look up just 5 of the prophesies, and find their corresponding fulfillment of scripture in the New Testament, and share them with your KOTH partner. (Here’s some help:  http://www.christiananswers.net/dictionary/messianicprophecies.html )

4.      When you see a baby Jesus lying in a manger this Christmas season, will you be reminded of all of the prophecies His birth, life, and resurrection fulfilled?

5.      How can you use this information to help you witness to a non-believer?

Topic No. 10 - "Salt of the Earth"

"You are the salt of the world. But if the salt should lose its taste, how can it be made salty again? It's good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled on by people.”  - Matthew 5:13

            We all know that salt flavors food and makes it pleasing to eat.  But did you ever stop to think that salt also acts as a preservative in food and keeps it from putrefying (spoiling)?  Salt preserves from corruption and salt prevents bacteria and decay in foods.  As disciples of Christ, we are to preserve the world (and ourselves) from general corruption.  If salt has lost its flavor, it has also lost its preservation quality.  It preserves no longer.  It is fit only to be tossed out and thrown on the ground.  If we who are called to be the salt of the earth cease to teach others about Jesus’ saving grace, we are fit to be cast out and trampled.

            One study bible says that salt had religious and sacrificial significance. It symbolized the making of a covenant. To eat salt with someone meant to be bound together in loyalty.  As the salt of the earth, Christians are meant to be preservers of God's covenant and give proper flavor to society. By acting as salt, we preserve what is necessary, and we keep something important from perishing. We add an ingredient to humanity that enlivens everything, bringing out what is alive and meaningful, brightening the flavor of life. Without our own savor or flavor, we cannot do this. We become useless.

           

Questions/Answers to Share with your KOTH Partner:

1.     We are called to be a positive influence on the world.  Can you think of ways that you can be a positive influence in your own home, your church, your neighborhood, your place of employment?

2.    Go to scripture and find one other verse that speaks of being “salt of the earth” and share it with your KOTH partner.

3.    In what way can your KOTH partner pray for you in regards to this topic?

Topic No. 9 - "I'm Holier Than You Christianity"

I’ve done it.  You’ve done it.  It’s been done to me, and it’s been done to you.

This unmistakably holier-than-you attitude is extremely destructive to true brotherhood and proper fellowship and unity. Luke 18:9-14 records this teaching of Christ concerning self-righteousness and its effects on these matters. Those who elevate themselves in their judgment of themselves as compared to their fellow members bring on themselves this condemnation. God does not justify them when they make this kind of judgment.

Having a holier-than-thou attitude is very caustic to true sisterhood and proper fellowship and harmony.

Luke 18:9-14 says,

“⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

   ¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

   ¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Our nature seeks to exalt itself above others, to esteem itself "holier than thou" (Isaiah 65:5).

“Yet they say to each other, 'Don't come too close or you will defile me! I am holier than you!' These people are a stench in my nostrils, an acrid smell that never goes away.”

God will humiliate those who seek to exalt themselves for He does not pay attention to the spiritually proud but to the contrite and humble (Isaiah 66:2).

“These are the ones I look on with favor:
   those who are humble and contrite in spirit.”

Each person is responsible for cleaning up his character and humbling himself before God. Each is not responsible for judging his brother so critically it drives a wedge between them and separates them. Such a person does not even see his own sin! In such a case, he could not be in God's Kingdom because that manner of thinking would continue right on into it, and God will not allow it there.

Humility is the key to oneness with God. Consequently, it is also the key to oneness with our brethren. God's way of achieving oneness is for each person to be so attuned to God that he is motivated to do everything possible to ensure that the relationship (with God or fellow man) is never broken.

Remember that God is judging us individually within each group. An attitude that we should not allow to grow in us is to think that we are the only ones who retain a true-church identity. The other side of that same concept is that, even if we agree that others are still part of the true church, we are still better than they are—indeed, everybody else is less than we are by comparison.

Luke 6:42:  How can you think of saying, 'Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye.

KOTH Questions and Answers:

1. Have you ever experienced someone's "I'm-Holier-Than-You" attitude towards you?  How did that make you feel?
2. Did that attitude draw you closer to Christianity...or push you away from it?
3. Define "humility."
4. How does God want you to witness to someone?
5. In what way can you have more humility when witnessing to others?