Topic No. 8 - God's 10 commandments...the rest!

Keepers of the Home – Topic No. 8 – Following God’s Commands

We have already discussed God’s first and second commands, but this week we’ll be studying the rest of the commandments:

From Exodus 20:1-17

1.      You shall have no other gods before me.

2.      You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

3.      You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

4.      Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

5.      Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

6.      You shall not murder.

7.      You shall not commit adultery.

8.      You shall not steal.

9.      You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

10.  You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor

God’s 3^rd command, “You shall not misuse the Lord’s name.”  How often have we callously thrown around God’s holy name in a curse?  Did you know that the ancient Hebrews as well as some modern-day Christians refuse to even speak the name “God” because it is so holy, so sacred to them that they would dare not even speak His name?  You might have seen them type out “G-d” even?  Exodus 15:11 says, “"Who among the gods is like you, O LORD? Who is like you--majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?”

God’s 4^th command:  “Keep the Sabbath Day holy.”  C’mon, admit it…do you really have a day where you set it aside to focus on God and growing closer to Him?  I want you to answer truthfully here!  For some, Sabbath Day is Sunday.  For others, it’s Saturday.  But whichever day you deem the Sabbath, you MUST set aside one day each week to rest your body, rejuvenate your mind, and focus on the Lord God Almighty.  Do you HAVE to sit in a church pew to do so?  Probably not…but I highly recommend you get in the habit of doing so!  Learning to devote a day to the Lord will teach your children to do the same.  This is a requirement of the Lord for everyone.

God’s 5^th command:  “Honor your father and mother.”  Many parents are not teaching their children to respect their authority in the family home.  Too often, the parents are left cowering at their children’s demands instead of their children obeying their parents’ commands.  “Kasey, it’s your turn to wash the dishes.”  Kasey should wash the dishes.  Sure, she may complain about it, but in the end, your request should be fulfilled.  “Johnny, pick up your toys before we go out to play.”  Johnny stomps his feet and throws himself onto the floor.  At this point, some parents would cajole or bribe Johnny into picking up his toys…however, a parent who is teaching respect and authority for elders will stick to their guns and not take Johnny out to play until the toys have all been picked up.  

God’s 6^th command:  “You shall not murder.”  I once heard a sermon on this very commandment.  The pastor preached that the original word for “murder” in this verse actually means to take an innocent life.  Others believe this is a command against any form of killing or death. 

God’s 7^th command:  “Don’t sleep with someone who isn’t your spouse.”  This is the proper translation for this command.  Premarital sex, extra-marital affairs, both of these fall under God’s 7^th command for our lives.

God’s 8^th command:  “Don’t take what isn’t yours.”  Ever been to a grocery store and realized that the cashier gave you back too much money?  Ever wanted something in a store so badly that you took it without paying for it?

God’s 9^th command:  “Don’t speak falsely of someone else.”  Whether you’re visiting with a group of gal pals or angry with your coworker, you should never lie about something they have or have not done.  It’s okay to get irritated with someone and want to talk about it with your close friends, but you should never, ever lie about the situation to make it look better for yourself.

God’s 10^th command:  “Don’t be jealous of what others have…and you don’t.”  This is a tough one in modern-day society.  Americans have been taught that if they want something badly enough, even if they can’t afford it, just put it on a credit card and pay for it later.  Or your best friend gets a brand-new car and you’re jealous because you can’t afford one.  Or…and this one’s tough for Christian women…a female church member has a handsome husband, two cute, well-dressed kids, and a beautiful ring on her finger.  She arrives to church on Sunday mornings with a smart, new outfit and a fabulous new hair cut…and we want that life, too. 

Questions and Answers to Share with your KOTH Partner:

1.    Can you list all 10 commandments to your children without peeking?

2.    Do your children know all of the 10 commandments?

3.    Out of all of the 10 commandments we have studied, which one is most difficult for you…and why?

4.    Can you pray about these 10 commandments in the upcoming week and ask God to reveal to you which areas of your life He would have you focus on in relation to His 10 commandments?

5.    Please share with your KOTH partner which area you would like to have specific prayer for in regards to God’s 10 commandments.

Topic No. 7 - Being a Proverbs 31 Woman

Proverbs 31:10-31 (New International Version)

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^{10 [a]}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:10 Verses 10-31 are an acrostic poem, the verses of which begin with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet.

___________________________________________________

This poem is designed to show what type of woman you ought to be:

• Noble
• Priceless in your family's eyes
• Trustworthy
• Giving
• Hard-working
• Helps provide financially to the household's income
• Wakes early and is not lazy
• Business-minded
• Physically fit
• Helps those in need in her community
• Doesn't fear hard times
• Provides all her children and servants require
• Dresses nicely (not a slob)
• Has a respected husband
• Her children respect her
• Dignified & well-mannered
• Wise
• Knowledgeable
• Teaches her children to be respectful
• Trains up her children to love the Lord
• Holds her tongue
• Is never idle but is always busy looking after the affairs of her household
• Fears the Lord

How many hours per day do you sit in front of your television compared to the number of hours per day you take care of your home and your children and your husband?  If you have a hobby, is your hobby taking up more time than you are devoting to your home?  When people come over to your house to visit, do they see a woman who takes care of her home and keeps it tidy and clean?  Or do they see a woman who struggles to maintain order and cleanliness?  Would your husband say that you are all of those qualities listed above?  If he would not, what areas do you feel he would disagree with, and why?  If your life were put side-by-side to the woman spoken of in these above verses, would you feel that you are basically a good representation of a godly, biblical woman/wife of noble character, or do you fall short in being a godly, biblical representation of a woman of noble character?

Please keep in mind that a woman may suffer from some physical or emotional problems that may prevent her from being and doing all of these things listed above.  My point is:  Are you doing all that you can?

Questions and Answers to Share with your KOTH partner:

1. Have you ever read this chapter in your bible?
2. What strikes you or impresses upon you in respect to this chapter in the bible?
3. Out of all of the characteristics listed above, which ones do you struggle with or disagree with?
4. If you struggle or disagree with the above-noted characteristics of a Wife of Noble Character, why?
5. Which characteristics listed above do you need to bring before the Lord in order that He may help you become a Wife of Noble Character?

Regarding Topic No. 1 - Eating Healthy - GMO Foods

The truth is, when it comes to genetically engineered foods, there is no labeling requirement. These foods have been altered at the molecular level. They are appearing on supermarket shelves with increasing frequency - in fact, 94 percent of all U.S.-grown soybeans are genetically engineered!

Environmental Working Group thinks this is wrong. You have a right to know what you and your family are eating. That's why we've joined forces with more than 300 organizations to launch the Just Label It campaign and tell the federal Food and Drug Administration that Americans have the right to know when they're eating genetically engineered food. Our partners at the Just Label It campaign put together a video to spread the word about genetically engineered foods - will you watch it, sign the petition, and then pass it on today?

The only way the FDA will act is if it hears from all of us.
Click here to sign our petition to the FDA and to watch a special video from the Just Label It campaign, Dining In The Dark.

Consumers might choose to avoid some of these foods if they had all the information.

The issue is not just fresh produce. According to the Congressional Research Service, 60 to 70 percent of processed foods available in American grocery stores likely contain some genetically engineered ingredients. These ingredients are prevalent in many products you may buy every day, including breakfast cereals, cookies, chips, sweetened soda, frozen meals and more.

The scientific debate about the benefits and risks of genetically engineered crops will continue for a long time. Meanwhile, an entire generation will have grown up consuming them. We should all have the right to participate - or not - in this sweeping experiment with our bodies and our environment.

Several polls and surveys have found that the vast majority of Americans want genetically engineered foods to be labeled. Many other countries including Japan, Australia, the European Union and even China require labeling of genetically engineered foods. Let's make sure the FDA gets the message that the U.S. shouldn't be left behind. Join EWG and its 300-plus campaign partners in demanding that the FDA insist that genetically engineered foods be labeled.
Click here to sign our petition to the FDA, and watch the video, Dining In The Dark.
Thank you for taking action. We all have the right to know what we are eating.

Sincerely,

Ken Cook
President, Environmental Working Group

Topic No. 6 - The Likeness of God

In this week’s topics, we’ll be discussing God’s Second Commandment. This topic is lengthy, so please make sure you can devote a few minutes to reading this topic thoroughly, and then praying and asking God to reveal to you what He would have you know about the second commandment.

No. 2: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images.”

       “You shall not make unto you any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: 5 You shall not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; 6 And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my Commandments.” Exodus 20:4-6

This Second Commandment clearly forbids the use of any type of non-living or lifeless imagery, “any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath,” in the worship of the living God. Yet God did create on earth a likeness of Himself in humans. He specifically tells us that He “created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” Genesis 1:27

Only God can reveal what He is like
In one sense, in the Second Commandment God tells mankind: “Don't try to tell Me what I am like. I will tell you what I am like! It is important that you correctly understand that I will accept no representations of Me.”

The perfect example
However, we are not without a perfect model of God's character. Jesus Christ as a human being so perfectly represented what God is like that He told His disciples, “He that has seen me has seen the Father…” John 14:9

Paul describes Jesus Christ as “the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature.” Colossians 1:15. He describes Christians as those who “have put off the old man with his deeds; 10 And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him.” Colossians 3:9-10

God wants to change your spiritual nature. Just as Christ is “the image of the invisible God,” so does God the Father want to recreate your character in His image. The time is coming when God will transform those who have become like Him in heart and mind from a physical to a spiritual existence. Paul described to the church in Corinth how this will happen. “Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither does corruption inherit incorruption. 51 Behold, I show you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.” 1 Corinthians 15:50-53

That is how God will complete your wonderful transformation to becoming like Him. John described the same ultimate transformation when he wrote, “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it does not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.” 1 John 3:2. Being like God is your destiny, providing you surrender your life to Him in obedience to His Commandments.

God requires accountability
This brings us to the latter part of the Second Commandment: “You shall not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; 6 And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my Commandments.” Exodus 20:5-6

God holds us accountable for our words and deeds. Bowing before an idol to pay honor to your own image of God may appear to be an act of great devotion, but you may be ignorant of God's great purpose for your life! God expects those who worship Him in truth and understanding to demonstrate their love for Him by keeping His Commandments from the heart, not by going through useless rites in front of any object. Jesus made this clear when He said, “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.” John 4:24. We are not to worship God with images and meaningless rituals. Jesus explained that “the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.” John 4:23

In conclusion, people fashion idols and images out of metal, wood, stone, and plastic. They also fashion idols mentally, that is, they create false ideas about God. These ideas about God are man’s feeble attempt to describe God.  Parents who place emphasis in images or concepts are bound to influence their children. They set the example, whether good or bad. Children should be taught the right way of God, not the wrong way of idols and false concepts. Children who are taught error most likely will reflect that error all their lives. They will often follow the gods of their parents with negative consequences.

Christians by the millions accept what they are taught in their churches without questioning anything. They believe their particular denomination teaches the Bible. How can this be when many of these denominations disagree with each other? They cannot all be right. Some of our most respected religious celebrations and holidays come directly out of paganism. Anyone who is willing to check the encyclopedias can quickly find this out.

A converted woman walks with God. She loves the way of God. She finds no fellowship with those who oppose God, who walk in opposition to the Laws of God. What does God say about these human ways of opposition? “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord” (Isa. 55:8). One cannot be doing the will of God by participating in its various forms of idolatry-religious concepts, images and idols, fundamental concepts, etc. An idol is anything that takes the place of God. Anything that is more important than God is an idol. Idolaters are guilty of breaking the second commandment.

Remember: an idol is a representation of an idea or concept. Whether you serve a tangible idol or a concept/idea, the result is the same. You have been deprived of the true knowledge of God. To be accepted, many people do not have the courage to reject these things. To live a truly godly life is not popular. Just as in the days of Christ, “For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God” (John 12:43). What should Christian service be? Paul tells us, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Rom. 12:1-2). Forms of religion that are approved in this world may not be approved by God. It is imperative that we know the difference. Mark Twain once remarked, “religion is a very dangerous thing unless you get it right.”

Questions and Answers to share with your KOTH Partner:

1.    In ancient days, people worshipped the god of the Sun, or the god of the Moon, or the god of the Seas in order to be “blessed” by these gods (little “g.”)  In modern society, what gods are you worshipping instead of the one true God?  Example:  Money?  Success?  Popularity?  Horoscopes? 

2.    Take a hard look at your beliefs of what God is like.  Write these beliefs down on paper, and then go to scripture (or Google scriptures on the internet) to find if your beliefs line up with what the Bible states about God.  Share these with your KOTH partner.  If you struggle with this task, then just write down two beliefs you have about God, and go to scripture to find out if this is in line with what God states about Himself.  Example:  I believe God is a jealous God, so I would go to scripture and find out if this belief is correct.

3.    Is there a ritual or a belief in your own church that you question?  Write this down, and then go to scripture to find out the Truth of this ritual or belief.

4.    What false beliefs have you been passing down to your children or family members? 

5.    What idols have you been “bowing down to” instead of bowing down to the One, True God?

Topic No. 5 – Modern Christians and the 10 Commandments

Do I need to obey the Ten Commandments?

Has God's law changed? What does Jesus Christ expect Christians to do about the Ten Commandments?

Answer:

Jesus explicitly shows that our obedience must include obeying the Ten Commandments.

"Now behold, one came and said to Him, 'Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?' So He said to him, 'Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.'

"He said to Him, 'Which ones?'"

In answer Jesus listed a number of the Ten Commandments as well as a summary statement:

• "You shall not murder."
• "You shall not commit adultery."
• "You shall not steal."
• "You shall not bear false witness."
• "Honor your father and your mother."
• "You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew:19:16-19).

Obedience to God begins with accepting the Ten Commandments as the permanent standard for our values and behavior. But our obedience must extend beyond just keeping the Ten Commandments.

Jesus also said: "Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill [from the Greek pleroo, meaning to 'fill to the full']. For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled [from a different Greek word, ginomai, used in the sense of 'come to pass'].

"Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew:5:17-19).

Sin is disregarding, refusing to do, what God tells us to do. Jesus tells us He had no intention of annulling or abolishing God's commands and that anyone who presumes to teach that is in grave spiritual danger.

_______________________________

http://www.ucg.org/bible-faq/do-i-need-obey-ten-commandments

This week, we’re going to explore Commandments 1 through 5 and how these commandments apply to you as wife, mother, and grandmother. 

(Next week, we’ll finish up with Commandments 6 – 10.)

No. 1: "Nothing and No One Comes Before God."

"You shall have no other gods before me."

We all know what happens to someone who falls off a building or some other height. The law of gravity carries with it a severe penalty. It is one of the laws of nature. We do not doubt its existence, yet we cannot see gravity. We only see its results. The Law of God - the Ten Commandments - acts in the same way. We only see the results when we break it. These commandments were given to protect man from the pain and suffering he will surely experience in this physical life by disregarding or failing to appreciate them. What does the Bible say?  You must do more than profess God and Christ.

“Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven” (Matt. 7:21).

It is deceptive to believe that belief in God is sufficient to put you in favor with God. Believing alone is insufficient; you must act upon what you hear.

“Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devil also believes, and trembles. But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?” (Jas. 2:19-20).

If you put your own desires above the commands of God, you are deceiving yourself.  You are NOT truly worshipping God.  You are worshipping yourself.  You must practice what God requires of you!  Those things in your life that are more important than God are your idols.  Set them aside.  Your idols include all of your desires and passions that get in the way before God.

Here are some modern-day examples of idolatry that may take place in your home:

·         You don’t pray to God on a daily basis, but you’ll watch TV on a daily basis.

·         You don’t read God’s word (your Bible) on a daily basis, but you’ll read Facebook status updates on a daily basis.

·         It’s Sunday morning and you’d rather sleep off the party headache from the night before than get up, get dressed, and attend a church service.

·         You spend your time making your outward appearance beautiful, but you forget that God wants you to be beautiful on the inside, first and foremost.

·         You are more concerned with what you see in the mirror than you are with how God sees you.

·         That new car you’re driving is a status symbol to everyone who sees you driving it.

·         You spend $100 a month on newer, trendier clothes, but you find it difficult to help a neighbor in need.

·         You think that getting closer to the Lord is something only obsessed Christians will do.  You’re more comfortable praying occasionally than in getting on your knees and really talking with the Lord.

·         You take your children to the latest cinema theater at least twice a month, but you haven’t taken them to church in years.

·         It’s more important that you fit in a social event than it is that you fit into Heaven.

·         You’ve read a commandment of God’s but you feel that your situation is different and therefore doesn’t apply to this command.

·         You’re raising your hands in church as you sing, but you’re secretly very pleased with your latest acrylic nail job instead of really singing the words to God.

__________________________

http://www.bethelcog.org/church/the-ten-commandments/first-commandment

Questions and Answers to Share:

1.    Name one area you struggle with idolatry in your life or in your family. 

2.    Do you want to grow closer to the Lord, or are you happy where you are in your Christian walk?

3.    Name a way that you can improve your relationship with God on a daily basis.

4.    How can you show your children/grandchildren/family members that God is THE most important person in your life?

5.    Find one scripture from the bible, different than those quoted above, that speaks of idolatry.  Write it out.

6.    How can your KOTH partner pray for you in regards to idolatry and the verse, “you shall have no other gods before me”?

Topic No. 4 - Positive Parenting (And Grandparenting, Too!)

Whether you’re a new mom, a seasoned mom, or a grandparent, this topic is for you!

Parenting isn’t for sissies.  It can be the toughest job in the world…but it can also bring you the greatest fulfillment.

Here are nine steps on how to enjoy your children (or grandchildren) more, and have more fulfilled relationships with them.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/nine_steps.html

Nurture Your Child's Self-Esteem

Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents' eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else.

Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.

Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like "What a stupid thing to do!" or "You act more like a baby than your little brother!" cause damage just as physical blows do.

Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don't love their behavior.

Catch Kids Being Good

Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well intentioned?

The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: "You made your bed without being asked — that's terrific!" or "I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient." These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scoldings.

Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards — your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are "growing" more of the behavior you would like to see.

Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline

Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.

Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed.

You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a "time out" or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences. You can't discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.

Make Time for Your Kids

It's often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren't getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they're sure to be noticed that way.

Many parents find it rewarding to schedule together time with their kids. Create a "special night" each week to be together and let your kids help decide how to spend the time. Look for other ways to connect — put a note or something special in your kid's lunchbox.

Adolescents seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger kids. Because there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teens to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with your teen communicates caring and lets you get to know more about your child and his or her friends in important ways.

Don't feel guilty if you're a working parent. It is the many little things you do — making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping — that kids will remember.

Be a Good Role Model

Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be aware that you're constantly being observed by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.

Model the traits you wish to cultivate in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you.

Make Communication a Priority

You can't expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, "say so." They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don't take time to explain, kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way.

Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, express your feelings, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child's suggestions as well. Negotiate. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

Be Flexible and Willing to Adjust Your Parenting Style

If you frequently feel "let down" by your child's behavior, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations. Parents who think in "shoulds" (for example, "My kid should be potty-trained by now") might find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or child development specialists.

Kids' environments have an impact on their behavior, so you may be able to modify that behavior by changing the environment. If you find yourself constantly saying "no" to your 2-year-old, look for ways to restructure your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you.

As your child changes, you'll gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won't work as well in a year or two.

Teens tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. But continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your teen to earn more independence. And seize every available moment to make a connection!

Show That Your Love Is Unconditional

As a parent, you're responsible for correcting and guiding your kids. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child receives it.

When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage, even when disciplining your kids. Make sure they know that although you want and expect better next time, your love is there no matter what.

Know Your Own Needs and Limitations as a Parent

Face it — you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities — "I am loving and dedicated." Vow to work on your weaknesses — "I need to be more consistent with discipline." Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your kids. You don't have to have all the answers — be forgiving of yourself.

And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you're burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person (or as a couple).

Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children.

Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD
Date reviewed: June 2011

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/index.html

Is it just a phase or a serious problem? Help your child cope with life's ups and downs, from dealing with divorce to preparing for new siblings. Or find out how to understand your child's behavior, whether it's toddler tantrums or teenage depression.

         Questions and Answers to Share with your KOTH partner:

1.    How many children/grandchildren do you have?

2.    What are their ages?

3.    What issues do you struggle with the most when it comes to parenting/grandparenting?

4.    After reading this article, in what area do you see a need for improvement in your own family?

5.    How can your KOTH partner pray for you and encourage you when it comes to positive parenting/grandparenting?

Explore the Food Guide Pyramid (Parent Interactive)

Parent Food Guide Pyramid (Printable)

What Is a BMI Report Card?