Round 2, Topic 3, "Sexual Unity In Marriage"

(*All information for this study taken from "Strengthening Your Marriage," by Wayne Mack)
Genesis 2:24, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall becone one flesh."

"Becoming one flesh is a broad concept but is generally recognized that there is no place where this total sharing is more beautifully pictured or fully experienced than in the sexual relationship of the man and his wife.

"Sexual intercourse is more than a physical act...it is a symbol of a spiritual relationship and the expression of complete oneness of two married persons in love.  In sexual intercourse, the couple becomes joined in an indissoluble unity, called "one flesh" in the Bible."

The Bible often describes marriage act in terms of a man "knowing" his wife.  "And Adam knew his wife Eve and she became pregnant."  Genesis 4:1.  "Now the man knew his wife and she conceived." 

What else can this mean but that the sex act is a means of deep sharing between a husband and wife.  They come to know one another in a very intimate way.

Sex is a means of expressing, confirming, enhancing, and nourishing our spouse.  According to the Bible, sex is a complete and total giving of oneself to their spouse.  It is obvious, then, that good sexual relations in marriage is an important act and genuine oneness in marriage.

It's sad, but true, that many marriages face some sort of sexual dysfunction or incompatability over the course of the marriage.  Many divorce lawyers will say that nearly every couple who seeks his services come because of sexual incompatibility.  There are also those who have sexual conflicts but never seek a divorce.

If God created and ordained sexual relationbs as an expression of unity in marriage, why is it that many couples have problems in this area?

1.  Unresolved Guilt.  Scripture warns us to be sure that our sins will find us out.  Numbers 32:23.  We may try to ignore our sin.  We may try to cover it up.  But sin will find us out.  Remembrances of past practices of heavy petting or promiscuity or selfish sexual practices continue to harass us...making it difficult to enjoy proper sexual relations with our spouse.  1 Cor. 7:2 warns against sexual immorality.  Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by everyone, and husband and wife should keep their marriage pure. God will judge as guilty those who take part in sexual sins."

Such a guilt can only be corrected when the person faces her sin, acknowledges it to God, seeks cleansing through Jesus Christ, believes the Holy Spirit will change her attitude, and meditates on the Word of God.

"Do not be deceived; neither the impure and immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor those who participate in homosexuality will inherit the Kingdom of God.  And such were some of you.  But you were washed clean and were sanctified; you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."  1 Cor. 6:9-11.
2.  Sexual problems of married couples may not really be sexual problems.  Just as a red "warning" light in our automobiles indicates an area that needs repair, so our marriages are the same.  Conflicts over money, religion, neglect, discourtesies, quarrels, and bitter words will in time adversely effect sexual harmony.  Feeling unwanted, unloved, unappreciated and neglected causes sexual discord.  One cannot a spouse who is feeling unwanted, unloved, unappreciated and neglected  to want to engage in sexual intercourse.  Sex may become hollow, empty, meaningless, and unfulfilling.  A lack of biblical love in a marriage may be the red light on the dashboard of marriage.

1 Cor. 13 speaks of Christian and Godly love:  "Love is patient, kind, humble, compassionate, gentle, forgiving, unselfish, courteous, considerate, sensitive, truthful, appreciative, and protective.  Let the husband and wife lovingly and joyfully fulfill their biblical roles toward each other; let them learn to communicate deeply and most of their sexual issues will evaporate.

3.  Sexual problems may be the result of ignorance or misinformation.  Somemarried couples are woefully ignorant of their mate's physical anatomy.   Many women don't understand the male temperament:  most men are very easily and very quickly aroused; they are stimulated by sight.  Without even touching a woman's body, a man may become aroused.  Jesus warns men about the danger of looking on women who are not their wives in Matthew 5:28.  The Book of Proverbs also admonishes men about the danger of being seduced by women.

Wives must realize that their husbands may desire sexual relations more frequently than they do.  It is the wife's responsibility to be mindful of her husband's temperament and to seek to be his helper by being willing to fulfill his sexual desires.  Failure to understand the male temperament puts an unnecessary burden of temptation upon a husband.

On the other hand, men are oftem more uninformed about termperaments and have accused his wife of being sexually cold and unresponsive.  He may wonder why his wife doesn't have the same desire and drive.  As a rule, women are not aroused as easily by men.  The sight of the male anatomy is not nearly as stimulating to a woman as it is to a man.  Soft words, unselfishness, consideration, genuine love, patience, kindness, appreciation, compassion, and tenderness are things that excite a woman and prepare her for a satisfying sexual experience with her spouse.

4. Not understanding God's biblical principles concerning sex in a marriage brings dysfunction.  God says "Sexual relations within marriage are holy and good." (Hebrews 13:4)  Your sexuality does not exist for yourself but for your partner and your partner's pleasure.  Sexual relations are to be regular and continuous.  Sexual relationships are to be equal and reciprocal. 

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Questions and Answers to Share with Your KOTH Partner:

1. Read 1 Corinthians 7:2 through 5 and 9.  List everything you see in this passage about sex.  With whom is it proper to have sex?  What are the "marriage rights" of each partner in marriage?  What are some of the purposes of marriage and sexual relations?  What is God's answer to sexual desire?  How long should a couple refrain from sex?
2. What does Proverbs 5:15-21 tell us about marriage and sexual relations?
3. Read Song of Solomon 4:1-7 and 5:10-16.  Should a marriage partner be embarrassed or ashamed because he finds delight in his marital partner?  Is it proper to be excited about sex with your spouse?
4. According to Matthew 5:27-30, how serious is the sin of sex outside of marriage?
5. For those of you who are married, please discuss the following with your husbands:  *What pleases you about your sexual relations?  Is there anything about your sexual relations you do not enjoy?  Does the pattern of your sexual married life need to be varied?  If so, how?  Do you have any fears about sex?  What can you do to help meet the sexual needs of your spouse more fully?
6. How can your KOTH partner pray for you this week?